10.05p 05.24.2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema (this will be on the ULTRASCREEN!!)

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Set in the desert Southwest in 1957--at the height of the Cold War--Indy and his sidekick Mac have barely escaped a close scrape with nefarious Soviet agents on a remote airfield.Now, Professor Jones has returned home to Marshall College--only to find things have gone from bad to worse. His close friend and dean of the college explains that Indy's recent activities have made him the object of suspicion, and that the government has put pressure on the university to fire him. On his way out of town, Indiana meets rebellious young Mutt, who carries both a grudge and a proposition for the adventurous archeologist: If he'll help Mutt on a mission with deeply personal stakes, Indy could very well make one of the most spectacular archeological finds in history--the Crystal Skull of Akator, a legendary object of fascination, superstition and fear. But as Indy and Mutt set out for the most remote corners of Peru--a land of ancient tombs, forgotten explorers and a rumored city of gold--they quickly realize that they are not alone in their search. The Soviet agents are also hot on the trail of the Crystal Skull. Chief among them is icy cold, devastatingly beautiful Irina Spalko, whose elite military unit is scouring the globe for the eerie Crystal Skull, which they believe can help the Soviets dominate the world--if they can unlock its secrets. Indy and Mutt must find a way to evade the ruthless Soviets, follow an impenetrable trail of mystery, grapple with enemies and friends of questionable motives--and above all, stop the powerful Crystal Skull from falling into the deadliest of hands.


10.30p 05.17.2008

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

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One year later, the Kings and Queens of Narnia find themselves back in that faraway wondrous realm, only to discover that more than 1,300 years have passed in Narnian time. During their absence, the Golden Age of Narnia has become extinct and Narnia has been conquered by the Telmarines and is now under the control of the evil King Miraz, who rules the land without mercy. The four children will soon meet a curious new character: Narnia's rightful heir to the throne, the young Prince Caspian, who has been forced into hiding, as his uncle Miraz plots to kill him in order to place his own newborn son on the throne. With the help of the kindly dwarf, a courageous talking mouse named Reepicheep, a badger named Trufflehunter and a Black Dwarf, Nikabrik, the Narnians--led by the mighty knights Peter and Caspian--embark on a remarkable journey to find Aslan, rescue Narnia from Miraz's tyrannical hold, and restore magic and glory to the land.

Speed who?!?

I have a review for Speed Racer. Here it is:

Speed Racer is a fantastic trip into the WRL (World Racing League). I know it's a fictional organization, but that doesn't matter. The WRL is full of color and life. It is a world of fast cars and hot women. Racers that believe in the thrill, and cheaters that will do anything to win. Family race shops who believe in honor, and big corporate sponsors who only believe in money. It is a world that I really, really want to believe in.

Really, this world is great! If you still need convincing, I have three words for you: Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. That's where it's at. She is perfect. She can fly a chopper. She can drive. And she's really hot. Speed doesn't deserve her.

I'm going to interrupt myself here and get to the point: I think Pops Racer's middle son, Speed is just the pretty poster boy.

You read that right, Speed is second fiddle in my book. The real hero of this story is a little boy and his chimp. Well, maybe not so much the chimp, but Spritle kicks serious butt. He never loses his way, never falls for Royalton's tricks, and he always knows what's important. Granted what's important to him is racing and food, and not always in that order. He braved Royalton's wrath again and again. He saved Speed form ninjas. NINJAS.

So, my hat's off to ya Spritle. Speed may have won the race, but you get the trophy!

As i finished this, I got a visit from Rick James' ghost. He jumped onto my couch, got dirt all over it. I asked "who the heck are you?!?" He slapped me and called me "b*tch". The exact words he used were "Never mind who you thought I was ... I'm Rick James, b*tch!", and was immediately followed by "Cocaine is a hell of a drug! And your review is all wrong! Let me help with that, b*tch!" He slapped me away from the keyboard, called me "b*tch" again and typed this:

Speed Racer iz uh fantastic trip into da WRL (World Racing League). I know it'suh fictional organization, but dat don' matter. The WRL iz full o' color an' life. It iz uh world o' fast cars an' hot biAtchez. Racers dat believe in da thrill, an' cheaters dat will do anyfin' ta win. Family race shops who believe in honor, an' big corporate sponsors who only believe in money. It iz uh world dat I really, really wants ta believe in.

Really, dis here world iz great! If ya still need convincing, I gots three werdz fo' you: Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. That'swhere it'sat. She iz perfect. She can fly uh chopper. She can cruize. And she'sreally hot. Speed don' deserve her.

I'm going ta interrupt myself here an' git ta da point: I th'o't Pops Racer'smiddle son, Speed iz just da fine ass poster boy.

You read dat right, Speed iz second fiddle in muh ma f&$#in book. The real hero o' dis here story iz uh little boy an' his chimp. Well, maybe not so much da chimp, but Spritle kicks serious booty. He never loses his way, never falls fo' Royalton'stricks, an' he always knows what'simportant. Granted what'simportant ta him iz racing an' chickn n` corn bread, an' not always in dat order. He braved Royalton'swrath ag'in an' ag'in. He saved Speed form ninjas. Ma f&$#in NINJAS!!

So, muh ma f&$#in hat'soff ta ya Spritle. Speed may gots won da race, but ya git da trophy! and s@#t.
Thank you Rick James' ghost! (please don't slap me again)


11.05p 05.10.2008

Speed Racer

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

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Hurtling down the track, careening around, over and through the competition, Speed Racer is a natural behind the wheel. Born to race cars, Speed is aggressive, instinctive and, most of all, fearless. His only real competition is the memory of the brother he idolized--the legendary Rex Racer--whose death in a race has left behind a legacy that Speed is driven to fulfill. Speed is loyal to the family racing business, led by his father, Pops Racer, the designer of Speed's thundering Mach 5. When Speed turns down a lucrative and tempting offer from Royalton Industries, he not only infuriates the company's maniacal owner but uncovers a terrible secret--some of the biggest races are being fixed by a handful of ruthless moguls who manipulate the top drivers to boost profits. If Speed won't drive for Royalton, Royalton will see to it that the Mach 5 never crosses another finish line. The only way for Speed to save his family's business and the sport he loves is to beat Royalton at his own game. With the support of his family and his loyal girlfriend, Trixie, Speed teams with his one-time rival--the mysterious Racer X--to win the race that had taken his brother's life: the death-defying, cross-country rally known as The Crucible.

Iron Man

(commentary by revlinux & lunchbox)

I want to be Iron Man when I grow up because he is so cool. (drunk all the time) He saves all the nice people (hot blonds) from the bad guys. (but can't save us from high gas prices) Everyone loves Iron Man. (including all 12 MAXIM cover-girls)(December was twins) His suit is all shiny.(oooooh, shiny!) Red is my favorite color. (and by red, he means pink)

Iron Man can fly. I would like to fly. (Sigmund Freud would have something to say about that) Iron Man is really Tony Stark. (shhhhhh! it's a secret) Tony Stark has some really cool cars. (what? no 85-1/2 porsche?) Red cars. Blue Cars. (Chevy Cobalt FTW!) Even cars that have two colors. (Rust not being a color) Tony is (a) smart(ass). He knows all about computers just like me, I can get on nickjr.com all by myself. (with a few hours Tony could get to the moon on his own) Mom says I am smart too.(she would probably wish for a little Ironman herself for mother's day) (here's to hoping)

Tony Stark always has a lot of girls around him, (between, beneath, on top as well) I hope he had his cootie shot! (he's had more than cootie shots, trust me) Obadiah Stane is not a nice guy like Tony Stark. (typical jealous p%&*k) He's a bad guy called Iron Monger. (oh, he is original though) Pepper Potts is nice, for a girl. (I am NOT allergic to that pepper) (bow chicka bow wow!)

Dad says Iron Man is just pretend, (more jealousy) but i don't believe him. (and you shouldn't) He said i need to try to be like a real hero. (dad's contribution to society - "Billions and billions served") Like doo doo head George W. (smart kid) was one of them, Ben Bernangkee (national spelling bee is right out!), or Bill Gates. (but not that pretentious p#$%k Steve Jobs) A good hero is hard to find (kinda like WMD's in Iraq) (and they say Iron Man isn't real) so I still think Iron Man is the best hero ever. (until the sequel, make mine Marvel) (Hellz Yea!)


9.30p 05.03.2008

Iron Man

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

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Tony Stark, a billionaire industrialist and genius inventor, is kidnapped and forced to build a devastating weapon. Instead, using his intelligence and ingenuity, Tony builds a high-tech suit of armor and escapes captivity. When he uncovers a nefarious plot with global implications, he dons his powerful armor and vows to protect the world as Iron Man.