12.26.2009

09.55p 12.26.2009

Sherlock Holmes

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Sherlock Holmes has made his reputation finding the truth at the heart of the most complex mysteries. With the aid of Dr. John Watson, his trusted ally, the renowned "consulting detective" is unequaled in his pursuit of criminals of every stripe, whether relying on his singular powers of observation, his remarkable deductive skills, or the blunt force of his fists. But now a storm is gathering over London, a threat unlike anything that Holmes has ever confronted...and just the challenge he's looking for. After a string of brutal, ritualistic murders, Holmes and Watson arrive just in time to save the latest victim and uncover the killer: the unrepentant Lord Blackwood. As he approaches his scheduled hanging, Blackwood -- who has terrorized inmates and jailers alike with his seeming connection to dark and powerful forces -- warns Holmes that death has no power over him and, in fact, his execution plays right into Blackwood's plans. And when, by all indications, Blackwood makes good on his promise, his apparent resurrection panics London and confounds Scotland Yard. But to Holmes, the game is afoot. Racing to stop Blackwood's deadly plot, Holmes and Watson plunge into a world of the dark arts and startling new technologies, where logic is sometimes the best crime-fighting weapon...but where a good right hook will often do the job.

12.19.2009

10.10p 12.19.2009

Avatar

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

"Avatar" is the story of an ex-Marine who finds himself thrust into hostilities on an alien planet filled with exotic life forms. As an Avatar, a human mind in an alien body, he finds himself torn between two worlds, in a desperate fight for his own survival and that of the indigenous people.

The Chow on Ninja Assassin

Four minutes. Four minutes from the opening credits to the first person is killed. Either that or he's auditioning for a part as a Canadian on South Park.

Anyways, Ninja Assassin followed action movie laws fairly well. I have no complaints in this department.

* The hero can take more hits than anyone else.

* The hero can shrug off injuries that'd kill a blue whale.

* The Law of Inversely Proportional Badassery. This is where there are more of something, the weaker they are. One ninja = World's Most Prolific and Deadly Killer. 20 ninjas = cannon fodder.

The last law holds true in more serious action movies as well. For example, near the end of in Batman Begins, Batman is threatened by two of Ras al-Ghul's "ninjas". Batman remarks he can take on two of them, Ras calls in "reinforcements." Batman didn't say "I can take two of your goons" because he's cocky, he said it cause he's smart. He knows the Law of Inverse Badassery, and knows those two goons must be tough. So, he tricks Ras to sending more goons, thus instantly causing all the goons to forget years of combat training and making Batman's fight much easier.

-The Chow

12.12.2009

10.05p 12.12.2009

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

"The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" is the continuation of the saga of the MacManus brothers. The two have been in deep hiding with their father, Il Duce, in the quiet valleys of Ireland, far removed from their former vigilante lives. When word comes that a beloved priest has been killed by sinister forces from deep within the mob, the brothers return to Boston to mount a violent and bloody crusade to bring justice to those responsible. With a new partner in crime and a sexy FBI operative hot on their trail, the Saints are back!

12.05.2009

09.50p 12.05.2009

Armored

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

A crew of officers at an armored transport security firm risks their lives when they embark on the ultimate heist -- against their own company. Armed with a seemingly fool-proof plan, the men plan on making off with a fortune with harm to none. But, when an unexpected witness interferes, the plan quickly unravels and all bets are off.













Thanks Joe!

11.28.2009

10.00p 11.28.2009

Ninja Assassin

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Raizo is one of the deadliest assassins in the world. Taken from the streets as a child, he was transformed into a trained killer by the Ozunu Clan, a secret society whose very existence is considered a myth. But haunted by the merciless execution of his friend by the Clan, Raizo breaks free from them and vanishes. Now, he waits, preparing to exact his revenge. In Berlin, Europol agent Mika Coretti has stumbled upon a money trail linking several political murders to an underground network of untraceable assassins from the Far East. Defying the orders of her superior, Ryan Maslow, Mika digs into top secret agency files to learn the truth behind the murders. Her investigation makes her a target, and the Ozunu Clan sends a team of killers, led by the lethal Takeshi, to silence her forever. Raizo saves Mika from her attackers, but he knows that the Clan will not rest until they are both eliminated. Now, entangled in a deadly game of cat and mouse through the streets of Europe, Raizo and Mika must trust one another if they hope to survive and finally bring down the elusive Ozunu Clan.

11.21.2009

09.45p 11.21.2009

The Blind Side

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Teenager Michael Oher is surviving on his own, virtually homeless, when he is spotted on the street by Leigh Anne Tuohy. Learning that the young man is one of her daughter's classmates, Leigh Anne insists that Michael -- wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter -- come out of the cold. Without a moment's hesitation, she invites him to stay at the Tuohy home for the night. What starts out as a gesture of kindness turns into something more as Michael becomes part of the Tuohy family despite the differences in their backgrounds. Living in his new environment, the teen faces a completely different set of challenges to overcome. And, as the family helps Michael fulfill his potential, both on and off the football field, Michael's presence in the Tuohys' lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries of their own.

11.14.2009

10.10p 11.14.2009

2012

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Never before has a date in history been so significant to so many cultures, so many religions, scientists, and governments. "2012" is an epic adventure about global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

11.07.2009

09.45p 11.07.2009

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Reporter Bob Wilton is in search of his next big story when he encounters Lyn Cassady, a shadowy figure who claims to be part of an experimental U.S. military unit. According to Cassady, the New Earth Army is changing the way wars are fought. A legion of "Warrior Monks" with unparalleled psychic powers can read the enemy's thoughts, pass through solid walls, and even kill a goat simply by staring at it. Now, the program's founder, Bill Django, has gone missing and Cassady's mission is to find him. Intrigued by his new acquaintance's far-fetched stories, Bob impulsively decides to accompany him on the search. When the pair tracks Django to a clandestine training camp run by renegade psychic Larry Hooper, the reporter is trapped in the middle of a grudge match between the forces of Django's New Earth Army and Hooper's personal militia of super soldiers. In order to survive this wild adventure, Bob will have to outwit an enemy he never thought possible.

10.31.2009

09.55p 10.31.2009

Law Abiding Citizen

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Clyde Shelton is an upstanding family man whose wife and daughter are brutally murdered during a home invasion. When the killers are caught, Nick Rice, a hotshot young Philadelphia prosecutor, is assigned to the case. Over his objections, Nick is forced by his boss to offer one of the suspects a light sentence in exchange for testifying against his accomplice. Fast forward 10 years. The man who got away with murder is found dead and Clyde Shelton coolly admits his guilt. Then he issues a warning to Nick: Either fix the flawed justice system that failed his family, or key players in the trial will die. Soon Shelton follows through on his threats, orchestrating from his jail cell a string of spectacularly diabolical assassinations that can be neither predicted nor prevented. Philadelphia is gripped with fear as Shelton's high-profile targets are slain one after another and the authorities are powerless to halt his reign of terror. Only Nick can stop the killing, and to do so he must outwit this brilliant sociopath in a harrowing contest of wills in which even the smallest misstep means death. With his own family now in Shelton's crosshairs, Nick finds himself in a desperate race against time facing a deadly adversary who seems always to be one step ahead.

10.24.2009

09.00p 10.24.2009

Astro Boy

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist named Dr. Tenma. Powered by positive "blue" energy, Astro Boy is endowed with super strength, x-ray vision, unbelievable speed and the ability to fly. Embarking on a journey in search of acceptance, Astro Boy encounters many other colorful characters along the way. Through his adventures, he learns the joys and emotions of being human, and gains the strength to embrace his destiny. Ultimately learning his friends and family are in danger, Astro Boy marshals his awesome super powers and returns to Metro City in a valiant effort to save everything he cares about and to understand what it means to be a hero.

The Guild! season 3 ep 8

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&from=sp&vid=58dc04b6-be05-47a7-8296-a61186029f0a" target="_new" title="Season 3: Gag Reel - Episodes 5-8">Video: Season 3: Gag Reel - Episodes 5-8</a>

10.17.2009

09.15p 10.17.2009

Where the Wild Things Are

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Synopsis

Maurice Sendak's classic book comes to the big screen in an adventure tale for every generation. "Where the Wild Things Are" follows the adventure of Max (Max Records), a mischievous young boy who is sent to his room after rebelling against his mother (Catherine Keener). Max's imagination is free to roam, and it soon transports him to a thriving forest bordering a vast sea. Delighted, he sets sail for the land of the Wild Things, where mischief reigns and Max rules. In bringing this imaginative fantasy to life, Jonze leads a team of filmmakers incorporating the most dynamic elements of voice performance, live-action puppetry and computer animation.

The Guild! season 3 ep 7

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=ad9da3c0-f956-4a84-91a0-29281cc13c51" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 7: Coping and Stuff">Video: Season 3 - Episode 7: Coping and Stuff</a>

10.10.2009

09.55p 10.10.2009

Couples Retreat

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

"Couples Retreat" follows four Midwestern couples who embark on a journey to a tropical island resort. While one of the couples is there to work on their marriage, the other three set out to jet ski, spa and enjoy some fun in the sun. They soon discover that participation in the resort's couple's therapy is not optional. Suddenly, their group-rate vacation comes at a price. What follows is a hilarious look at real world problems faced by all couples.

The Guild! season 3 ep 6

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=09ca7e47-a094-46b3-ace4-d28658ee76a1" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 6: Newbtastic">Video: Season 3 - Episode 6: Newbtastic</a>

10.03.2009

10.00p 10.03.2009

Zombieland

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

After America is ravaged by a zombie plague, a lone band of survivors fights the living dead while they cross the nation from coast to coast. They stop in an amusement park, where they believe they will be safe.

The Guild! season 3 ep 5

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=d492d422-9f08-481f-a6c7-e0f096cf614e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 5: Application&#39;d">Video: Season 3 - Episode 5: Application&#39;d</a>

09.26.2009

09.55p 09.26.2009

Surrogates

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

People are living their lives remotely from the safety of their own homes via robotic surrogates-sexy, physically perfect mechanical representations of themselves. It's an ideal world where crime, pain, fear and consequences don't exist. When the first murder in years jolts this utopia, FBI agent Greer discovers a vast conspiracy behind the surrogate phenomenon and must abandon his own surrogate, risking his life to unravel the mystery.

The Guild! season 3 ep 4

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=2db36212-baaf-4fe6-9cc5-cdefe4b27f40" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 4: Get it back!">Video: Season 3 - Episode 4: Get it back!</a>

09.19.2009

10.05pp 09.19.2009

Jennifer's Body

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

When small town high-school student Jennifer is possessed by a hungry demon, she transitions from being "high-school evil" -- gorgeous (and doesn't she know it), stuck up and ultra-attitudinal -- to the real deal: evil/evil. The glittering beauty becomes a pale and sickly creature jonesing for a meaty snack, and guys who never stood a chance with the heartless babe, take on new luster in the light of Jennifer's insatiable appetite. Meanwhile, Jennifer's lifelong best friend Needy, long relegated to living in Jennifer's shadow, must step-up to protect the town's young men, including her nerdy boyfriend.

The Guild! season 3 ep 3

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=80a029bc-7a7a-4f6e-b63c-8c4e73975e20" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 3: Player Down">Video: Season 3 - Episode 3: Player Down</a>

09.12.2009

09.30p 09.12.2009

9

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The time is the too-near future. Powered and enabled by the invention known as the Great Machine, the world's machines have turned on mankind and sparked social unrest, decimating the human population before being largely shut down. But, as our world fell to pieces, a mission began to salvage the legacy of civilization; a group of small creations was given the spark of life by a scientist in the final days of humanity, and they continue to exist post-apocalypse. One of these creations, 9, emerges to display leadership qualities that may help them survive and possibly even thrive. It is only by chance that he discovers a small community of others like himself taking refuge from fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction. Despite being the neophyte of the group, 9 convinces the others that hiding will do them no good. They must take the offensive if they are to survive, and they must discover why the machines want to destroy them in the first place. As they'll soon come to learn, the very future of civilization may depend on them.

The Guild! season 3 ep 2

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=bdab0fe5-ecc7-4f5e-a946-feefa45d531b" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 2: Anarchy!">Video: Season 3 - Episode 2: Anarchy!</a>

09.05.2009

10.00p 09.05.2009

Extract

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Ben Affleck, Kristen Wiig, Clifton Collins, and J.K. Simmons star in writer/director Mike Judge's comedy about a flower-extract plant owner contending with an ever-growing avalanche of personal and professional disasters. An employee at the factory has just suffered an unfortunate accident on the assembly line, but little does the put-upon owner realize that things are about to get much worse. As the injured employee threatens to sue and it begins to look like his company will be bought out, the frazzled owner attempts to catch the culprit responsible for stealing wallets from the coat room and begins to suspect that his wife is sleeping with the gigolo he hired to seduce her.

Finally! all saints day trailer!!

another season of 'The Guild' !! w00t!

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=6f31eb66-4360-439a-ad62-f2bdf28f550e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time">Video: Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time</a>

08.29.2009

09.50p 08.29.2009

Halloween II

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

It is that time of year again, and Michael Myers has returned home to sleepy Haddonfield, Ill., to take care of some unfinished family business. Unleashing a trail of terror, Myers will stop at nothing to bring closure to the secrets of his twisted past. But, the town's got an unlikely new hero, if they can only stay alive long enough to stop the unstoppable.

08.22.2009

09.40p 08.22.2009

Inglourious Basterds

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

"Inglourious Basterds" begins in German-occupied France, where Shosanna Dreyfus witnesses the execution of her family at the hand of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa. Shosanna narrowly escapes and flees to Paris, where she forges a new identity as the owner and operator of a cinema. Elsewhere in Europe, Lieutenant Aldo Raine organizes a group of Jewish soldiers to engage in targeted acts of retribution. Known to their enemy as "The Basterds," Raine's squad joins German actress and undercover agent Bridget Von Hammersmark on a mission to take down the leaders of The Third Reich. Fates converge under a cinema marquee, where Shosanna is poised to carry out a revenge plan of her own.

only in america

Blank

08.15.2009

10.00p 08.15.2009

District 9

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

More than 20 years ago, aliens made first contact with Earth. Humans waited for the hostile attack, or the giant advances in technology. Neither came. Instead, the aliens were refugees, the last survivors of their home world. The creatures were set up in a makeshift home in South Africa's District 9 as the world's nations argued over what to do with them. Now, patience over the alien situation has run out. Control over the aliens has been contracted out to Multi-National United (MNU), a private company uninterested in the aliens' welfare - they will receive tremendous profits if they can make the aliens' awesome weaponry work. So far, they have failed; activation of the weaponry requires alien DNA. The tension between the aliens and the humans comes to a head when an MNU field operative, Wikus van der Merwe, contracts a mysterious virus that begins changing his DNA. Wikus quickly becomes the most hunted man in the world, as well as the most valuable -- he is the key to unlocking the secrets of alien technology. Ostracized and friendless, there is only one place left for him to hide: District 9.

"Go Joe!" ... and other things that did not belong in this movie!

I would call the action movie I saw this weekend a "rip-roaring good time, full of no-holds-barred action and nice special effects, directed by a man that had a rather unhealthy fetish for all things star wars" a fun movie; I just wouldn't call it "G.I. Joe"

08.08.2009

09.50p 08.08.2009

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. Joe team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos.

08.01.2009

10.00p 08.01.2009

Funny People

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

George is a very successful stand up comedian who learns that he has an untreatable blood disorder and is given less than a year to live. Ira is a struggling up-and-coming stand up comedian who works at a deli and has yet to figure out his onstage persona. One night, these two perform at the same club and George takes notice of Ira. George hires Ira to be his semi-personal assistant as well as his friend.

07.25.2009

09.35p 07.25.2009

The Ugly Truth

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Abby Richter is a romantically challenged morning show producer whose search for Mr. Perfect has left her hopelessly single. She's in for a rude awakening when her bosses team her with Mike Chadway, a hardcore TV personality who promises to spill the ugly truth on what makes men and women tick.

07.18.2009

10.00p 07.18.2009

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort's defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself more and more drawn to Ginny, but so is Dean Thomas. And Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hadn't counted on Romilda Vane's chocolates! And then there's Hermione, simmering with jealousy but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead and Hogwarts may never be the same again.

07.11.2009

09.15p 07.11.2009

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The sub-zero heroes from the worldwide blockbusters "Ice Age" and "Ice Age: The Meltdown" are back on an incredible adventure for the ages. Scrat is still trying to nab the ever-elusive nut (while, maybe, finding true love); Manny and Ellie await the birth of their mini-mammoth, Sid the sloth creates his own makeshift family by hijacking some dinosaur eggs; and Diego the saber-toothed tiger wonders if he's growing too "soft" hanging with his pals. On a mission to rescue the hapless Sid, the gang ventures into a mysterious underground world, where they have some close encounters with dinosaurs, battle flora fauna run amuck--and meet a relentless, one-eyed, dino-hunting weasel named Buck.

07.04.2009

09.50p 07.04.2009

Public Enemies

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

"Public Enemies" is the story of legendary Depression-era outlaw John Dillinger-the charismatic bank robber whose lightning raids made him the number one target of J. Edgar Hoover's fledgling FBI and its top agent, Melvin Purvis, and a folk hero to much of the downtrodden public. No one could stop Dillinger and his gang. No jail could hold him. His charm and audacious jailbreaks endeared him to almost everyone-from his girlfriend Billie Frechette to an American public who had no sympathy for the banks that had plunged the country into the Depression. But while the adventures of Dillinger's gang-later including the sociopathic Baby Face Nelson and Alvin Karpis-thrilled many, Hoover hit on the idea of exploiting the outlaw's capture as a way to elevate his Bureau of Investigation into the national police force that became the FBI. He made Dillinger America's first Public Enemy Number One and sent in Purvis, the dashing "Clark Gable of the FBI.'' However, Dillinger and his gang outwitted and outgunned Purvis' men in wild chases and shootouts. Only after importing a crew of Western ex-lawmen (newly baptized as agents) and orchestrating epic betrayals-from the infamous "Lady in Red'' to the Chicago crime boss Frank Nitti-were Purvis, the FBI and their new crew of gunfighters able to close in on Dillinger.

06.27.2009

10.15p 06.27.2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The battle for Earth has ended but the battle for the universe has just begun. After returning to Cybertron, Starscream assumes command of the Decepticons, and has decided to return to Earth with force. The Autobots believing that peace was possible finds out that Megatron's dead body has been stolen from the US Military by Skorpinox and revives him using his own spark. Now Megatron is back seeking revenge and with Starscream and more Decepticon reinforcements on the way, the Autobots with reinforcements of their own, may have more to deal with then meets the eye.

06.20.2009

10.20p 06.20.2009

Year One

Movie Tavern

Forum Link

Synopsis

Jack Black and Michael Cera headline Harold Ramis' Stone Age comedy about a pair of lazy hunter-gatherers who embark on a wild journey through the ancient world after being banished from their primitive village. Oliver Platt, David Cross, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and Vinnie Jones co-star.

06.13.2009

09.45p 06.13.2009

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The ordinary day of New York City subway dispatcher Walter Garber is thrown into chaos by an audacious crime: the hijacking of a subway train. Ryder, the criminal mastermind who leads the highly-armed gang of four hijackers, threatens to execute the train's passengers, unless a large ransom is paid within one hour. As the tension mounts beneath his feet, Garber employs his vast knowledge of the subway system in a battle to outwit Ryder and save the hostages. But, there's one riddle Garber can't solve: even if the thieves get the money, how can they possibly escape?

06.06.2009

10.00p 06.06.2009

The Hangover

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three friends drive to Las Vegas for a blow-out bachelor party they'll never forget. But, in fact, when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning, they can't remember a thing. For some reason, they find a tiger in the bathroom and a six-month-old baby in the closet of their suite at Caesars Palace. The one thing they can't find is Doug. With no clue as to what transpired and little time to spare, the trio must retrace their hazy steps and all their bad decisions in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time to walk down the aisle.

05.30.2009

10.15p 05.30.2009

Up

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

From Disney-Pixar comes "Up," a comedy adventure about 78-year-old balloon salesman Carl Fredricksen, who finally fulfills his lifelong dream of a great adventure when he ties thousands of balloons to his house and flies away to the wilds of South America. But, he discovers all too late that his biggest nightmare has stowed away on the trip: an overly optimistic eight-year-old Wilderness Explorer named Russell. "Up" will be presented in Disney Digital 3-D(TM) in select theaters.

05.23.2009

10.05p 05.23.2009

Terminator Salvation

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

This highly anticipated new installment of "The Terminator" film franchise is set in post-apocalyptic 2018. John Connor is the man fated to lead the human resistance against Skynet and its army of Terminators. But the future that Connor was raised to believe in is altered in part by the appearance of Marcus Wright, a stranger whose last memory is of being on death row. Connor must decide whether Marcus has been sent from the future, or rescued from the past. As Skynet prepares its final onslaught, Connor and Marcus both embark on an odyssey that takes them into the heart of Skynet's operations, where they uncover the terrible secret behind the possible annihilation of mankind.

05.16.2009

10.00p 05.16.2009

Angels & Demons

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

When Langdon discovers evidence of the resurgence of an ancient secret brotherhood known as the Illuminati--the most powerful underground organization in history--he also faces a deadly threat to the existence of the secret organization's most despised enemy: the Catholic Church. When Langdon learns that the clock is ticking on an unstoppable Illuminati time bomb, he jets to Rome, where he joins forces with Vittoria Vetra, a beautiful and enigmatic Italian scientist. Embarking on a nonstop, action-packed hunt through sealed crypts, dangerous catacombs, deserted cathedrals, and even to the heart of the most secretive vault on earth, Langdon and Vetra will follow a 400-year-old trail of ancient symbols that mark the Vatican's only hope for survival.

05.09.2009

10.00p 05.09.2009


Star Trek

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The greatest adventure of all time begins with "Star Trek," the incredible story of a young crew's maiden voyage onboard the most advanced starship ever created: the U.S.S. Enterprise. On a journey filled with action, comedy and cosmic peril, the new recruits must find a way to stop an evil being whose mission of vengeance threatens all of mankind. The fate of the galaxy rests in the hands of bitter rivals. One, James T. Kirk, is a delinquent, thrill-seeking Iowa farm boy. The other, Spock, was raised in a logic-based society that rejects all emotion. As fiery instinct clashes with calm reason, their unlikely but powerful partnership is the only thing capable of leading their crew through unimaginable danger, boldly going where no one has gone before!

05.02.2009

10.15p 05.02.2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine," the first chapter in the X-Men saga, unites Wolverine with several other legends of the X-Men universe, in an epic revolution that pits the mutants against powerful forces determined to eliminate them. The film also introduces a team of mutants, including several whose appearances in the movie series have been long anticipated. In addition, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" explores Logan's tragic romance with Kayla Silverfox. Kayla's fate triggers Logan's involvement with the ominous Weapon X program, a top secret, billion-dollar military experiment, in which Wolverine and other mutants are key players. They include Gambit, a young Scott Summers (later to be known as Cyclops); a beautiful young mutant named Emma Frost; and Deadpool, against whom Wolverine faces his ultimate challenge. While the three previous X-Men films were set in the not-too-distant future, the main story of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"--as the saga's first chapter--is set prior to the events of those pictures, in the not-too-distant past, sometime in the 1970s. But the epic sweep of the new film also encompasses flashbacks that span 150 years.

Deadpool: prophet? or puppy?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is out this week. I know that all of you are just as anxious as I am to see it. As much as I like Hugh Jackman as our beloved cigar smoking, father killing, side-burned tortured soul, I am ecstatic that my favourite psychopath Deadpool is making an appearance!

Back in 1997 Marvel gave us Wade Wilson, a lovable mercenary that has the gift of gab. He's been one of the most interesting characters to ever grace the pages of Marvel's comic books.

But is he a prophet?

See, some say that to be a prophet you need to predict a great many things. I disagree. I think to be a bona fide prophet, you just need to be right.

Deadpool hit the nail on the head.


That's right folks! Way back in 2002, Cable vs. Deadpool #3 pg.13, Deadpool let us know that Ryan Renolds is the only man for the job!

Granted, Deadpool didn't really make a prediction, and well, it could be that all the good shar-pei puppies in L.A. were too busy to be bothered, but hey! we'll take what we can get! Score one for good ol' Wade Wilson!

Suck it Nostradamus!

04.25.2009

10.10p 04.25.2009

Observe and Report

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

At the Forest Ridge Mall, head of security Ronnie Barnhardt patrols his jurisdiction with an iron fist, combating skateboarders, shoplifters and the occasional unruly customer while dreaming of the day when he can swap his flashlight for a badge and a gun. His delusions of grandeur are put to the test when the mall is struck by a flasher. Driven to protect and serve the mall and its patrons, Ronnie seizes the opportunity to showcase his underappreciated law enforcement talents on a grand scale, hoping his solution of this crime will earn a coveted spot at the police academy and the heart of his elusive dream girl Brandi, the hot make-up counter clerk who won't give him the time of day. But his single-minded pursuit of glory launches a turf war with the equally competitive Detective Harrison of the Conway Police, and Ronnie is confronted with the challenge of not only catching the flasher, but getting him before the real cops do.

04.18.2009

10.00p 04.18.2009

Crank: High Voltage

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Picking up immediately where the first movie left off, "Crank High Voltage" finds Chev Chelios surviving the climactic plunge to his most certain death on the streets of Los Angeles, only to be kidnapped by a mysterious Chinese mobster. Three months later, Chev wakes up to discover his nearly indestructible heart has been surgically removed and replaced with a battery-operated ticker that requires regular jolts of electricity in order to work. After a dangerous escape from his captors, Chev is on the run again, this time from the charismatic Mexican gang boss El Huron, and the Chinese Triads, headed by the dangerous 100 year-old elder Poon Dong. Once again turning to Doc Miles for medical advice, receiving help from his friend Kaylo's twin brother Venus, and re-connecting with his girlfriend Eve, who is no longer in the dark about what he does for a living, Chev is determined to get his real heart back and wreak vengeance on whoever stole it, embarking on an electrifying chase through Los Angeles where anything goes to stay alive.

Public Service Announcement

Your portly, tame racing driver would like everyone to be aware that Crank: High Voltage appears to be unavailable for preview.  Further, (could be a mitigating circumstance depending on your point of view) the film is said to include a scene of sodomy by pump action shotgun.

This is what our esteemed leader has chosen for us.

Talk amongst yourselves.

04.11.2009

09.40p 04.11.2009

Dragonball Evolution

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis
Goku and a handful of friends battle for the Earth against the deadly forces of the Saiyans, who are sweeping across the universe, leaving a path of destruction. Goku and his friends' best chance for survival rests with the Namekian DragonBalls, which provide them the power to summon a mighty dragon.

Paper beats Rock; Muscle beats Import ... every time!

So, I got a message from The Big Stig (Some say he can get you a toe...trust us, just don't ask how; and at the slightest threat he will separate his saucer section).  It seems that somehow Fast and Furious 4 managed to bring In $72.5 million for its opening weekend.

Wow.

Now The Big Stig (Some say, he tugs on Superman's cape, and spits in the wind...but knows not to mess around with Jim) is very very upset about this, and who can blame him. When Vin "The Angry Potato" Diesel can draw such huge box office receipts, then we know that the sate of affairs for America's entertainment industry is only one Big Gulp away from Idiocracy levels. 

But, here's the real rub: I really like these movies. I even liked the "Tokyo Drift redneck-meets-hip-hop-saki comedy hour." These movies are fast-paced, non-stop, no-holds-barred, action-packed thrill rides. Hot women, fast cars, mind-numbing diologe; they have the whole package. I know that when I am done seeing one of these movies, I am going to drive too fast. I am going to try to talk my wife into a Ménage à Trois, and be truly surprised when I get slapped. I am going to eat a steak. I am going to do many other macho things that I can't think of at the moment, and fail miserably. It's a fact, these movies are great! I don't mean great like "Gone with the Wind" or even "Ernest goes to Camp," I mean great like "Superbad" (I am McLovin!), or "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li"  (Nash out!).

My point is this, there is a place for these movies in this society. I'm not sure if it's a $72.5 million place, but there is a place none the less. They fill a niche, a void in the world of movies. I think that these movies could very well be the last hope of an industry full of "re-makes" and un-inspired crap that tries to pawn itself off as a new idea. This franchise makes no promises for reality, no illusions of grandeur, no false hopes. Fast and Furious is just that, Fast AND furious.

All hail the ANGRY POTATO!! May he live forever and keep making movies that continue to inspire people like this guy!

04.04.2009

09.45p 04.04.2009

Fast & Furious

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

When a crime brings them back to L.A., fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto reignites his feud with agent Brian O'Conner. But, as they are forced to confront a shared enemy, Dom and Brian must give in to an uncertain new trust if they hope to outmaneuver him. And, from convoy heists to precision tunnel crawls across international lines, two men will find the best way to get revenge: Push the limits of what's possible behind the wheel.

Big Stig's review of "Fast and Furious"

This week's review of "Fast and Furious" is brought to you by Corona®, Sprint® and Lycra®.


Some say he once drilled out his feet to improve his lap times, and at the sound of an ice cream truck he feels compelled to kill Charles De Gaulle. All we know is, he's called Big Stig. He's Stig's portly cousin from the colonies.

Let's pause a moment as I take a slow, luxurious swig from my ice cold bottle of Corona cerveza. Ahhh.

"Fast and Furious" was an epic bit of filmmaking. One for the ages. However, we have a few plot holes to contend with:

First, as the world's only college educated, Jewish, intentionally bald, former truck driver (really)... allow me to make a suggestion. If you want to steal a trucker's payload... just show him your gun and tell him to pull over. Driving backwards on a two lane highway approaching a hill that Lewis Hamilton couldn't negotiate seems overly elaborate and ill-conceived. But then, what do I know? I would have just shot Austin Powers between the eyes and went out for waffles. No sharks with frickin' laser beams here.

Second, you can't suspend a cop in a movie with out having his boss collect piece and shield from the morose SOB. There are rules in Hollywood. You need to respect them.

Third, Vin Diesel has a speaking role. A recipe for trouble.

Four, could we please stop with the foot and car chases with such fast edits that we have no idea what's going on? I'd prefer not to have my Nestle® Bunch-a-Crunch come back up. mmmkaythx.


All in all, this would have been the complete disaster we were expecting... but then, they found the "M" button. They gave us garish cars, monosyllabic dudes with no neck, hot lesbians making out, and big explosions. I'm satisfied.

4 stars.

If you found the above review as vacuous as I think it is... blame RevLinux. This was his idea. That idiot thinks I should be a writer. That'll show him.

03.28.2009

09.45p 03.28.2009

Duplicity

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

CIA officer Claire Stenwick and MI6 agent Ray Koval have left the world of government intelligence to cash in on the highly profitable cold war raging between two rival multinational corporations. Their mission? Secure the formula for a product that will bring a fortune to the company that patents it first. For their employers--Industry titan Howard Tully and buccaneer CEO Dick Garsik--nothing is out of bounds. But, as the stakes rise, the mystery deepens and the tactics get dirtier, the trickiest secret for Claire and Ray is their growing attraction. And, as they each try to stay one double-cross ahead, two career loners find their schemes endangered by the only thing they can't cheat their way out of: love.

03.21.2009

09.45p 03.21.2009

Knowing

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

In 1958, as part of the dedication ceremony for a new elementary school, a group of students is asked to draw pictures to be stored in a time capsule. But one mysterious girl fills her sheet of paper with rows of apparently random numbers instead. Fifty years later, a new generation of students examines the capsule's contents and the girl's cryptic message ends up in the hands of young Caleb Koestler. But it is Caleb's father, professor John Koestler, who makes the startling discovery that the encoded message predicts with pinpoint accuracy the dates, death tolls and coordinates of every major disaster of the past 50 years. As John further unravels the document's chilling secrets, he realizes the document foretells three additional events-the last of which hints at destruction on a global scale and seems to somehow involve John and his son. When John's attempts to alert the authorities fall on deaf ears, he takes it upon himself to try to prevent more destruction from taking place. With the reluctant help of Diana Wayland and Abby Wayland, the daughter and granddaughter of the now-deceased author of the prophecies, John's increasingly desperate efforts take him on a heart-pounding race against time until he finds himself facing the ultimate disaster-and the ultimate sacrifice.

03.14.2009

10.00p 03.14.2009

The Last House on the Left

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

The night she arrives at the remote Collingwood lakehouse, Mari and her friend are kidnapped by a prison escapee and his crew. Terrified and left for dead, Mari's only hope is to make it back to parents John and Emma. Unfortunately, her attackers unknowingly seek shelter at the one place she could be safe. And when her family learns the horrifying story, they will make three strangers curse the day they came to "The Last House on the Left."

03.07.2009

09.45p 03.07.2009

Watchmen

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

"Watchmen" is set in an alternate 1985 America in which costumed superheroes are part of the fabric of everyday society, and the "Doomsday Clock"--which charts the tension between the United States and the Soviet Union--is permanently set at five minutes to midnight. When one of his former colleagues is murdered, the washed-up but no less determined masked vigilante Rorschach sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes. As he reconnects with his former crime-fighting legion--a ragtag group of retired superheroes, only one of whom has true powers--Rorschach glimpses a wide-ranging and disturbing conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future. Their mission is to watch over humanity, but who is watching the watchmen?

02.28.2009

09.45p 02.28.2009

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Rave Motion Pictures

Forum Link

Synopsis

On the streets of Bangkok, crime boss Bison instigates a wave of violence in the slum districts, grabbing power and land no matter what the costs to its residents. His ruthless tactics are met by a team of heroes consisting of Chun-Li, a half-Caucasian/half-Asian beauty who gave up a life of privilege to become a street fighter, battling for those who cannot fight for themselves; her kung fu master, Gen, once a feared criminal, who now fights for the forces of good; Interpol cop Charlie Nash, who has tracked the crime boss all over the world, and Nash's partner, gangland homicide detective Maya Sunee.

02.21.2009

09.55p 02.21.2009

The International

Marcus Crosswoods UltraScreen Cinema

Forum Link

Synopsis

Interpol Agent Louis Salinger and Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Whitman are determined to bring to justice one of the world's most powerful banks. Uncovering myriad and reprehensible illegal activities, Salinger and Whitman follow the money from Berlin to Milan to New York to Istanbul. Finding themselves in a high-stakes chase across the globe, their relentless tenacity puts their own lives at risk as their targets will stop at nothing--even murder--to continue financing terror and war.