12.29.2007

10.35p 12.29.2007

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Victorian England is the setting for this harrowing melodrama. Benjamin Barker (Johnny Depp) is living a simple life as a barber with his wife Lucy and his daughter Johanna (Jayne Wisener) when the lust of a judge (Alan Rickman) throws all of their lives into chaos. The judge has Benjamin Barker deported to Australia, and it is many years later that he returns to England, under the pseudonym Sweeney Todd with revenge on his heart. He wishes to reclaim his family and punish the judge and the society who destroyed it. With the help of Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), a pie shop owner who had known Sweeney and his family all of those years ago, Sweeney goes about seeking vengeance and reaping the benefits of that bloody journey.

12.22.2007

10.40p 12.22.2007

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

While Ben is presenting new information about John Wilkes Booth and the 18 pages missing from Booth's diary, one man stands up and presents a missing page of John Wilkes Booth's diary. Thomas Gates, Ben's great-grandfather, is mentioned in the page. It shows that Ben's great-grandfather could have been a person involved with Abraham Lincoln's murder. When doing more research, the conspiracy takes Ben, Abigail, and Riley to Buckingham Palace(which they break into). It takes them to a book in the White House(which they break into also)and they even steal a page from the book. But in order to see more from the book, their choice is either get elected president or kidnap the President of the United States. Which do they choose? It's obvious. The conspiracy then crosses to Mount Rushmore and they even mention the JFK conspiracy. Could Ben clear his family's name? Or will his family be known as the descendant of Abraham Licoln's murderer?

12.15.2007

11.00p 12.15.2007

I am Legend

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Robert Neville is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable and manmade. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City, and maybe the world. But he is not alone. He is surrounded by the Infected-victims of the plague who have mutated into carnivorous beings who can only exist in the dark and who will devour or infect anyone or anything in their path. For three years, Neville has spent his days scavenging for food and supplies and faithfully sending out radio messages, desperate to find any other survivors who might be out there. All the while, the Infected lurk in the shadows, watching Neville''s every move, waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind''s last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But his blood is also what The Infected hunt, and Neville knows he is outnumbered and quickly running out of time.

da'Moose on "Compass"

I'm not entirely sure where to go with this movie. On one hand, I liked the pseudo-steampunk world it took place in. The ice bears were somewhat interesting (especially with Sir Ian McKellen voicing the story's main bear), and graphically well done. The villian of the movie being the authoritarian religious institution was also compelling, though a bit overdone in today's "Da Vinci code" world.

Of course, you can't have the good without the bad. The whole bear fight-the-heir-to-the-death plot with the bears was kind of cliche. If you want a quick comparison, watch the sword and board duel in "The 13th Warrior". Same thing.

Sam Elliot? Hello typecasting, how have you been? I know the guy has brass balls engraved with Chuck Norris' personal endorsement, but c'mon man! Branch out a little!? I was waiting for him to pull back the curtain on his airship and have Bill Paxton, Kurt Russell, and Val Kilmer sitting there playing poker.

Why did Daniel Craig even do this movie? Did he owe someone a favor? He was in it for a grand total of 5 minutes, 4 of which were reprising some sort of bond-esque moments anyways. Lets hope they give him some more lines in the next one... oh yes, Mr. Bond.. there will be a next one...

Then there was Marisa Coulter, the character portrayed by Nicole Kidman. Everytime someone mentioned Ms. Coulter, I couldn't help picturing Ann Coulter in the roll.

Blonde? Check.
Waifish? Check.
Totally out of touch with reality and drunk on the idea of authoritarian neo-conservative para-militaristic regimes? Check.

I think this roll really missed it's calling. Sorry Mrs. Kidman.

All in all, "The Golden Compass" wasn't bad. I'd give it 3 out of 5 antlers. Once I finish reading the book, we'll see if that opinion changes.

12.08.2007

10.40p 12.08.2007

The Golden Compass

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

There is a world where witches rule the northern skies, where ice bears are the bravest of warriors, and where every human is joined with an animal spirit who is as close to them as their own heart. This world is dominated by the Magisterium, which seeks to control all of humanity, and whose greatest threat is the last remaining Golden Compass and the one child destined to possess it. Twelve year-old Lyra Belacqua lives an extraordinary life as a ward of distinguished Jordan College. Tearing unsupervised through the streets on mad quests for adventure with her loyal friend Roger, Lyra is accompanied everywhere by her daemon, Pantalaimon--a small, ever-changing animal that serves as a constant voice of reason. But Lyra's world is changing. Her uncle, Lord Asriel, is embarking on a trip to the Arctic Circle to investigate a mysterious element called Dust, but the Magisterium would go to any lengths to stop him. At the same time, rumors of children mysteriously disappearing and being taken north become terrifyingly real when Lyra''s best friend Roger goes missing. She swears to go to the ends of the earth to rescue him, and when a new figure appears at the college--Marisa Coulter, a beguiling scientist and world traveler--she sees her best chance to get away. But Lyra''s been drawn into a trap designed to take from her the one thing she possesses that the Magisterium desperately seeks--the Golden Compass. It is a mystical device that can tell the truth, reveal what others wish to hide and foreshadow--and even change--the future. Lyra realizes that she will have to embark on her own journey to rescue Roger and stop the Magisterium. But fate puts her in the protection of a tribe of seafaring Gyptians led by Lord Faa, Ma Costa and Farder Coram. Banding together an unlikely alliance with the Gyptians, the mysterious witch Serafina Pekkala and Texas airman Lee Scoresby, Lyra is flung into an adventure that will take her over sky and ocean, to the wilds of the icy north, where she gains a powerful ally in a great armored bear named Iorek Byrnison. A great war is coming--with her band of friends and allies, and the power of the Golden Compass, Lyra will need all her skill and all her courage, to stop it.

12.01.2007

11.15p 12.01.2007

No Country for Old Men

AMC Lennox Town Center 24 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Llewelyn Moss finds a pickup truck surrounded by a sentry of dead men. A load of heroin and two million dollars in cash are still in the back trunk. When Moss takes the money, he sets off a chain reaction of catastrophic violence that not even the law--namely aging, disillusioned Sheriff Bell--can contain. Moss tries to evade his pursuers, in particular a mysterious mastermind who flips coins for human lives.

11.24.2007

10.40p 11.24.2007

Hitman

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

The Hitman is a genetically-engineered, elite assassin known only as Agent 47. His hallmarks are lethal grace, unwavering precision, and resolute pride in his work. But even 47 couldn''t anticipate a random equation in his life exactitude: the unexpected stirrings of his conscience and the unfamiliar emotions aroused in him by a mysterious Russian woman.

11.17.2007

10.45p 11.17.2007

Beowulf

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

In the age of heroes comes the mightiest warrior of them all, Beowulf. After destroying the overpowering demon Grendel, he incurs the undying wrath of the beast's ruthlessly seductive mother, who will use any means possible to ensure revenge. The ensuing epic battle resonates throughout the ages, immortalizing the name of Beowulf.

11.10.2007

10.45p 11.10.2007

Fred Claus

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Fred Claus has lived his entire life in his brother's very large shadow. Fred tried, but could hardly live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a fast-talking repo man who's run out of luck and money. Over Mrs. Claus' objections, Nicholas agrees to help his brother on one condition: that he come to the North Pole and earn the money he needs by working in Santa's Toy Shop. The trouble is that Fred isn't exactly elf material and, with Christmas fast approaching, Fred could jeopardize the jolliest holiday of the year.

11.03.2007

10.30p 11.03.2007

American Gangster

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Nobody used to notice Frank Lucas, the quiet driver to one of the inner city''s leading black crime bosses. But when his boss suddenly dies, Frank exploits the opening in the power structure to build his own empire and create his own version of the American Dream. Through ingenuity and a strict business ethic, he comes to rule the inner-city drug trade, flooding the streets with a purer product at a better price. Lucas outplays all of the leading crime syndicates and becomes not only one of the city''s mainline corrupters, but part of its circle of legit civic superstars. Richie Roberts is an outcast cop close enough to the streets to feel a shift of control in the drug underworld. Roberts believes someone is climbing the rungs above the known Mafia families and starts to suspect that a black power player has come from nowhere to dominate the scene. Both Lucas and Roberts share a rigorous ethical code that sets them apart from their own colleagues, making them lone figures on opposite sides of the law. The destinies of these two men will become intertwined as they approach a confrontation where only one of them can come out on top.

10.27.2007

09.00p 10.27.2007

costume party

Jane's house

Synopsis

9pm until ????

costume not required but strongly encouraged!


for directions or questions ask one of us ... if you don't know who we are, well, tough luck ya ain't invited anyway!



image by http://lowroad75.deviantart.com/

10.20.2007

10.35p 10.20.2007

30 Days of Night

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

For 30 days every winter, the isolated town of Barrow, Alaska is plunged into a state of complete darkness. It's a bitter time when most of the inhabitants head south. This winter, a mysterious group of strangers appear: bloodthirsty vampires, ready to take advantage of the uninterrupted darkness to feed on the residents remaining in town. Barrow's Sheriff Eben, his estranged wife Stella, and an ever-shrinking group of survivors must do anything they can to last until daylight.

10.13.2007

10.20p 10.13.2007

We Own the Night

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Bobby Green has turned his back on the family business. The popular manager of El Caribe, the legendary Russian-owned nightclub in Brooklyn's Brighton Beach, he has changed his last name and concealed his connection to a long line of distinguished New York cops. For Bobby, every night is a party, as he greets friends and customers or dances with his beautiful Puerto Rican girlfriend, Amada, in a haze of cigarette smoke and disco music. But it's 1988, and New York City's drug trade is escalating. Bobby tries to keep a friendly distance from the Russian gangster who is operating out of the nightclub--a gangster who is being targeted by his brother, Joseph, an up-and-coming NYPD officer, and his father, Burt, the legendary deputy chief of police.

10.06.2007

10.50p 10.06.2007

The Heartbreak Kid

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

After years of bachelorhood and ample pressure from his father, Doc, and best friend Mac, Eddie Cantrow starts to wonder if he is being too picky about the women he meets. So when a chance encounter with an alluring blonde named Lila leads to a sweet romance, Eddie impulsively proposes. But right after the wedding, as the newlyweds get to know each other on the drive down the California coast, Eddie begins to realize he's made a terrible mistake. Soon after reaching their exotic Mexican hideaway, he falls for the down-to-earth Miranda, who has no clue he's on his honeymoon. Now Eddie has to find a way to extricate himself from his days-old marriage without losing the girl of his dreams.

09.29.2007

10.30p 09.29.2007

The Kingdom

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

When a terrorist bomb detonates inside a Western housing compound in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, an international incident is ignited. While diplomats slowly debate equations of territorialism, FBI Special Agent Ronald Fleury quickly assembles an elite team and negotiates a secret five-day trip into Saudi Arabia to locate the madman behind the bombing. Upon landing in the desert kingdom, however, Fleury and his team discover Saudi authorities suspicious and unwelcoming of American interlopers, into what they consider a local matter. Hamstrung by protocol--and with the clock ticking on their five days--the FBI agents find their expertise worthless without the trust of their Saudi counterparts, who want to locate the terrorist in their homeland on their own terms. Fleury''s crew finds a like-minded partner in Saudi Colonel Al-Ghazi, who helps them navigate royal politics and unlock the secrets of the crime scene. With these unlikely allies sharing a propulsive commitment to crack the case, the team is led to the killer''s front door. Now in a fight for their own lives, strangers united by one mission won't stop until justice is found.

post-apcolyptic inventions

i had a big write-up planned for last week's movie. really i did. i got most of the way through it before i trashed it all. instead, i think you will get a better idea about how i felt about Resident Evil: Extinction if i do it this way:

picture if you will: a late nite infomercial

(cheesy music) ... do, DA, da, doo! umbrella corporation, serving the greater good for ... well, forever!

announcer: coming to you LIVE from far below raccoon city, it's great inventions. your weekly source for all things life-changing.

(applause)

Alice #42: welcome to another episode of Great Inventions. tonite our guest is the renowned scientist Dr. Isaacs. glad to have you here doc.

(emerges from behind a red velvet curtain)

Dr. Isaacs: glad to be here, Alice #42.

Alice #42: so, what do you have for us tonite? another breakthrough in your cosmetic line, T-VIRUS?

Dr. Isaacs: (smiling coyly) no.

Alice #42: another great discovery from your genetics lab?

Dr. Isaacs: not quite.

Alice #42: please tell us. the suspense is killing us.

(from the crowd) - "SO ARE THESE INFECTED ZOMBIES!!"

(uproarious laughter)

Dr. Isaacs: ha ha! so they are! well, i can help you with that. how many of you have ever just been minding your own business, walking the dog in the yard, enjoying the new miles and miles of "beaches" and BAM! your dog gets snatched by one of those pesky zombies?

Alice #42: i'm sure most of us. why, that happened to me just last week ...

(chuckles)

Alice #42: ... by my mother-in-law, i'm sure.

(laughter)

Dr. Isaacs: well, she's a mindless zombie now.

Alice #42: not sure that's changed anything!

(laughter and applause)

Alice #42: i think we've waited long enough, Doc. what do you say we see what he brought?!?

(cheering)

Dr. Isaacs: here it is, my invention that will revolutionize the security industry!

(draws back curtain)

Alice #42: that's ... that's a chain-link fence? i'm pretty sure you didn't invent the chain-link fence, Doc.

Dr. Isaacs: ahh, but that's where you're wrong!

Alice #42: you mean it's not a chain-link fence?

Dr. Isaacs: no, it is. but i DID invent it! also, i invented the internet and PANTS!

Alice #42: um ...

Dr. Isaacs: (to Alice #42) i do have something to admit, i actually didn't invent pants

(boo's from crowd)

Dr. Isaacs: but, i did invent POCKETS!

(ooh's and ahh's)

Alice #42: tell us more!

Dr. Isaacs: well, with this new invention coupled with my other invention; the square, you can set up a perimeter that will keep out dozens, no MILLIONS, of zombies!

Alice #42: wow!

Dr. Isaacs: and that's not all! order now, and i'll trow in a GATE!

Alice #42: a gate?! that's just wonderful! you've thought of everything Doc!

Dr. Isaacs: and how much would you pay for such a quality product?

crowd: $500!! $1000!! $1200!!

Dr. Isaacs: (chuckles) close! but no. i am offering this to you at a one-time-only TV price. 36 easy payments of $299.95 plus $35 S+H!

Alice #42: (to crowd) isn't he great folks!!

(cheering)

Dr. Isaacs: but wait! there's more!

Alice #42: more?!?

Dr. Isaacs: order in the next 20 minutes, and i'll throw in a free, yes FREE, "no trespassing" sign!

(applause)

announcer: Dr. Isaacs' chain-link fence, from umbrella corporation, the best around! not like bob's I-beam company, they're just selling crap.

Dr. Isaacs: bite me bob!

(fade out to a standing ovation)

09.22.2007

10.45p 09.22.2007

Resident Evil: Extinction

AMC Easton Town Center 30 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

"Resident Evil: Extinction" picks up where the last film left off. Alice, now in hiding in the Nevada desert, once again joins forces with Carlos Olivera and L.J., along with new survivors Claire, K-Mart and Nurse Betty to try to eliminate the deadly virus that threatens to make every human being undead...and to seek justice. Since being captured by the Umbrella Corporation, Alice has been subjected to biogenic experimentation and becomes genetically altered, with super-human strengths, senses and dexterity. These skills, and more, will be needed if anyone is to remain alive.

09.15.2007

11.55p 09.15.2007

Mr. Woodcock

AMC Easton Town Center 30 with IMAX (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

For students at Forest Meadow Middle School, P.E. class is not playtime, but rather an exercise in mental and physical humiliation administered by the tough as gristle Mr. Woodcock. Run more like a military boot camp than a gym class, Woodcock's physical education class takes on a new meaning where no child's flaws or weaknesses are safe from the torture and embarrassment that follow the sound of the despised teacher's whistle. For John Farley, author of the national bestseller Letting Go: Getting Past Your Past, the painful memories of being in Mr. Woodcock's class have since been replaced by the self confidence gained from becoming a successful writer and motivational speaker. When a last minute cancellation on his book tour gives him an unexpected day off, John returns home to surprise his mother, Beverly, with the news that he will be awarded the small town's prestigious "Corn Cob Key" during its annual Cornival Festival. John's jubilation quickly turns to angst when he discovers his mother has fallen in love with Mr. Woodcock. Forced to spend time with his old nemesis, John must endure the familiar sting of his former teacher's sharp tongue and intimidation tactics all over again. Ignoring the pleas of his hard-nosed book publicist Maggie to get back on tour, John extends his visit in an effort to disrupt the relationship between his mother and Woodcock, but with each passing day he finds himself regressing deeper into the insecurities and awkwardness that plagued his youth. Mortified and panic-stricken by the inevitability of his mother marrying the one man he truly despises, John enlists the help of his old school mate, Jay Nedderman, in a last-ditch attempt to take down Mr. Woodcock. The result is a series of hilarious confrontations that lead John to discover that one's past is often hard to escape.

09.08.2007

10.40p 09.08.2007

Shoot 'Em Up

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Clive Own stars in this gritty, over the top action thriller as Mr. Smith, a gun-toting badass with a hair trigger and an unknown past. He's far from a doctor and farther from a parent, but when he unwittingly discovers an innocent woman delivering a baby right in the middle of a gunfight, Smith enters the fray to save her and though the woman expires, he is the one left in care of the orphaned child. He thinks that the killers were after the woman, but soon he realizes that they had a far more unlikely target: the baby. Smith's regular company is a seedy underworld full of unsavory characters, so he takes the child to the closest thing he knows to a mother: a sultry prostitute known as Dairy Queen, played by Monica Bellucci, who specializes in clientele with a mommy fetish. Teamed with his hot but unlikely partner DQ, Smith unloads barrel after barrel to protect the mysterious baby from Mr. Hertz, a ruthless criminal mastermind played by Paul Giamatti. Smith plans to figure out why Hertz and his thugs are after the baby, but if he can't uncover the truth, he'll settle for leaving them all dead in the process.

09.01.2007

10.50p 09.01.2007

Halloween

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

The residents of Haddonfield don't know it yet... but death is coming to their small sleepy town. Fifteen years ago a small six year old boy called Michael Myers brutally slashed his elder sister to death. Locked up till his 21st birthday, he escapes the mental institution that held him for fifteen years and makes his way back to his hometown intent on a murderous rampage pursued by Dr Sam Loomis who is Michael's doctor and the only one who knows Michael's true evil. Elsewhere a shy teenager by the name of Laurie Strode is babysitting on the night Michael comes home... is it pure coincidence that she and her friends are being stalked by him?

08.25.2007

10.45p 08.25.2007

WAR!

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

After his partner Tom Wynne (Terry Chen) and family are killed apparently by the infamous and elusive assassin Rogue (Jet Li), FBI agent Jack Crawford (Jason Statham) becomes obsessed with revenge as his world unravels into a vortex of guilt and betrayal. Rogue eventually resurfaces to settle a score of his own, setting off a bloody crime war between Asian mob rivals Chang (John Lone) of the Triad's and Yakuza boss Shiro (Ryo Ishibashi). When Jack and Rogue finally come face to face, the ultimate truth of their pasts will be revealed.

08.18.2007

10.45p 08.18.2007

Superbad!

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Two co-dependent high school guys want to hook up with girls before they graduate and go off to different colleges, but, after a calamitous night just trying to buy alcohol for a school party, overcoming their separation anxiety becomes a greater challenge than getting the girls.

08.11.2007

11.00p 08.11.2007

Rush Hour 3

AMC Easton Town Center 30 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Chris Tucker returns to the big screen after a six-year absence as he reunites with the all-star team of co-star Jackie Chan, director Brett Ratner (Rush Hour, Rush Hour 2, X-Men: The Last Stand, Hannibal), and writer Jeff Nathanson (Rush Hour 2, Catch Me If You Can) to deliver the third installment of the blockbuster Rush Hour franchise. Arriving in theaters on August 10, 2007, Rush Hour 3 sees the beloved action comedy duo of Tucker and Chan reprising their roles as LAPD Detective James Carter and Chinese Chief Inspector Lee respectively. This time around, the two must travel to Paris to battle a wing of the Chinese organized crime family, the Triads. Rush Hour 3 is being produced by Ratner, Jay Stern, and Arthur Sarkissian and executive produced by Roger Birnbaum (Memoirs of a Geisha) and Jon Glickman (The Pacifier).

08.04.2007

10.00p 08.04.2007

Flogging Molly

Dublin Irish Festival (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

"My family would go to the pub and gather up people to come back to the house to play tin whistle, mandolin, fiddle and spoons, with my mom on piano and my uncle on accordion," he reminisces. "But I wanted to run away from that. As you get older, you want to pick up electric guitars and play loud. You rebel against those traditional elements." So Dave hit the road and did just that.

King began his musical career as a member of Fastway, teaming up with Motorhead guitarist Eddie Clarke in the late '80s, having played New York's Madison Square Garden and L.A.'s Great Western Forum, only to eventually find himself scrubbing the toilets of ghetto clubs where he performed with just an acoustic guitar. For the musician, who originally came to L.A. from London in 1989 at the invitation of legendary Geffen A and R exec John David Kalodner to be in a band called Katmandu, it wasn't until forming Flogging Molly that he began to write and play "for myself and no one else." These days, he insists, he is right where he wants to be.

08.03.2007

10.45p 08.03.2007

The Bourne Ultimatum

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

All he wanted was to disappear; instead, Jason Bourne is now hunted by the people who made him what he is--legendary assassin. Having lost his memory and the one person he loved, he is undeterred by the barrage of bullets and a new generation of highly-trained killers. Bourne has only one objective: to go back to the beginning and find out who he was. Now, in the new chapter of this espionage series, Bourne will hunt down his past in order to find a future. He must travel from Moscow, Paris and London to Tangier and New York City as he continues his quest to find the real Jason Bourne--all the while trying to outmaneuver the scores of cops, federal officers and Interpol agents with him in their crosshairs.

07.28.2007

10.50p 07.28.2007

The Simpsons Movie

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Homer Simpson must save the world from a catastrophe he himself created. It all begins with Homer, his new pet pig, and a leaky silo full of droppings--a combination that triggers a disaster the likes of which Springfield has never experienced. As Marge is outraged by Homer's monumental blunder, a vengeful mob descends on the Simpson household. The family makes a narrow escape, but is soon divided by both location and conflict. The Springfield citizenry has every reason to be out for Simpson blood. The calamity triggered by Homer has drawn the attention of U.S. President Arnold Schwarzenegger and Environmental Protection Agency head Russ Cargill. "You know sir," Cargill tells the president, "when you made me head of the EPA, you were applauded for appointing one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something." That "something" is a devil's plan to contain the disaster. As the fates of Springfield and the world hang in the balance, Homer embarks on a personal odyssey of redemption--seeking forgiveness from Marge, the reunion of his splintered family, and the salvation of his hometown.

die hardester - *NEW* with teh intarwebs

so, where do i start? no, really. I have a dilemma. do i open with "yippie kai yay?" or do i save that for the end? i'm torn. i really wanted to start this off with some kind of punch. but is "yippee ki yay?" just TOO cool? is there even such a thing as being too cool?

i believe that there is.

for example police constable nicholas angel. now THERE'S a cool guy. so cool that he was asked to transfer because he made all the other constables look like crap. he's just better. i mean please, 400% better!?! so much better that they made him a seargant in a sleepy little country town. nothing ever happens in this town.

now, i told you that, so i can tell you this:

john mclane makes nicholas angel look like a british school-girl! that's right constable, er ... seargant angel, you are a wuss! sorry, but facts are facts. let's run this down:

angel - stabbed in the hand. - "the single most painful experience of my life"

mclane - shot. 6,154 times. - "ouch"

mclane - kills hot terrorist chick - "mai? asian chick, likes to kick people? yeah, last time i saw her she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an suv rammed up her ass."

angel - after watching mclane in die hard - "well, i wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. but, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."

angel - shortcut through the gardens - "what, you've never taken a shortcut before?"

mclane - driving an eighteen-wheeler through (yes through!) a concrete column. all the while getting shot up by a man in a fighter plane. - "is that the best you got?!"

angel - the most important piece of equipment to own. - "this notebook has saved my skin more times than i care to mention!"

mclane - blowing up a helicopter with a car - "i was out of bullets"




john mclane, you are the man

yippie kai yay, john.

yippie.
kai.
yay.

07.21.2007

09.45p 07.21.2007

You Kill Me

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Frank Falenczyk loves his job. He just happens to be the hit-man for his Polish mob family in Buffalo, New York. But Frank's got a drinking problem, and when he messes up a critical assignment that puts the family business in peril, his uncle sends him to San Francisco to clean up his act. Frank is not a touchy-feely kind of guy; but he starts going to AA meetings, gets a sponsor and a job at a mortuary where he falls for the tart-tongued Laurel, a woman who is dangerously devoid of boundaries. Meanwhile, things aren't going well in Buffalo where an upstart Irish gang is threatening the family business. When violence erupts, Frank is forced to return home and with an unlikely assist from Laurel, faces old rivals on new terms.

from the depths of the intarweb

(how could they know?)



yeah here we go for the hundredth time
hand grenade pins in every line

throw 'em up and let something shine
going out of my fu*king mind

filthy mouth, no excuse
find a new place to hang this noose

string me up from atop these roofs
knot it tight so i won't get loose

truth is you can stop and stare
run myself out and no one cares

dug the trench out laid down there
With a shovel up out of reach somewhere

mama help me i've been cursed
death is rolling in every verse

candy paint on his brand new hearse
can't contain him he knows he works

fu*k this hurts i won't lie
doesn't matter how hard i try

half the words don't mean a thing
and i know that i wont be satisfied

so why try ignoring him

07.14.2007

11.15p 07.14.2007

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

As his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry approaches, 15-year-old Harry Potter is in full-blown adolescence, complete with regular outbursts of rage, a nearly debilitating crush, and the blooming of a powerful sense of rebellion. It's been yet another infuriating and boring summer with the despicable Dursleys, this time with minimal contact from our hero's non-Muggle friends from school. Harry is feeling especially edgy at the lack of news from the magic world, wondering when the freshly revived evil Lord Voldemort will strike. Returning to Hogwarts will be a relief--or will it?

da'moose on Transformers

Transformers... What to say.

Overall, not a bad movie. As would be expected from a Michael Bay movie, the action sequences are fast and in-your-face 110% of the time. Except, this time, it's with giant, bullet-time flipping robots. Hell yeah! The eye candy was quite pleasant as well, with Megan Fox being the definite bombshell this round.... *rawr*. Plus, they got a couple things right for us old-timers, such as using the original voice for Optimus, and incorporating the old shape shifting sound from the cartoon. I was also highly amused by the shot they got in on the current administration. World falling down around you, attacks on your bases in the middle east, unknown very hostile enemy... "Could you rustle me up some ding dongs?" LOL.

However. Everything is not well in CGI land. Perhaps it was merely a modernization of a cliche, but giant alien robots learning our language from the internet (as opposed to TV signals, or radio signals before that) was kind of lame. Hearing Optimus using colloquialisms like "my bad" just didn't sit right either, coming from the very proper leader of the Autobots.

The worst part, though, was the blatant and near-repugnant GM "re-branding" of the Autobots was pathetic as well. I mean c'mon. Can you say "sell-out"? I knew you could. The movie did try to pay homage to Bumblebee's more humble beginnings, but it doesn't cover the truth. This advertisement scheme went WAAAAAAAAAAAY beyond having a can of pepsi or bag of doritos in the background. The movie should have been titled "Transformers - now brought to you, humbly and quietly, by GEEEEEEENERRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAALLLLL MOOOOOOOOOOTOOOOOOOOOOOORS!!!!!". Perhaps they could have gotten Michael Buffner to do the entrance theme. WTF?! The Decepticons weren't much better. Wasn't Starscream a F15? When did he get "upgraded" to a F22 Raptor? When did Devastator become a tank, and not the huge amalgam of the constructacons? When the hell did Megatron become some wacked out jet, and not the gun? (Note: I understand the reasoning of this as posed by other movie blogs, but it's still fsck'ing lame)

I know, you can't ask much from hollywood these days, but damn.

07.07.2007

11.00p 07.07.2007

Transformers

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.

06.30.2007

10.50p 06.30.2007

Live Free or Die Hard

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

On the July 4th holiday, an attack on the vulnerable United States infrastructure begins to shut down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme has figured out every modern angle--but he never figured on an old-analog fly, John McClane, in the digital ointment. It's the beginning of the holiday, but New York City Detective McClane isn't celebrating. He's had yet another argument with his college-age daughter Lucy, and received a crushingly routine assignment to bring in a young hacker, Matt Farrell, for questioning by the FBI. But for McClane, the ordinary has a habit of exploding into the extraordinary--abruptly hurtling him into the wrong place at the wrong time. With Farrell's help, McClane slowly begins to understand the increasing chaos surrounding him. An attack is underway on the vulnerable United States infrastructure, shutting down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme, Thomas Gabriel, stays several moves ahead of McClane as he implements his incredible plans, known to uber-geeks like Farrell as a "fire sale" (as in, everything must go!).

06.23.2007

12.20a 06.23.2007

1408

AMC Easton Town Center 30 with IMAX (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Renowned horror novelist Mike Enslin believes only in what he can see with his own two eyes. But after a string of best-sellers, discrediting paranormal events in the most infamous haunted houses and graveyards around the world, he has no real proof of the after-life. But Enslin''s phantom-free run of long and lonely nights is about to change forever when he checks into suite 1408 of the notorious Dolphin Hotel for his latest project, Ten Nights in Haunted Hotel Rooms. Defying the warnings of the hotel manager, the author is the first person in years to stay in the reputedly haunted room. Another best-seller may be imminent, but first he must go from skeptic to true believer--and ultimately survive the night.

discuss. speculate.

Well they encourage all complete cooperation,
Send you roses when they think you need to smile.
I can't control myself because I don't know how,
And they love me for it honestly, I'll be here for a while.

So give them blood, blood, gallons of the stuff!
Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough.
So give them blood, blood, blood.
Grab a glass because there's going to be a flood!

A celebrated man amongst the gurneys.
They can fix me proper with a bit of luck.
The doctors and the nurses they adore me so,
But it's really quite alarming cause I'm such an awful fu*k.

I gave you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff,
I gave you all that you can drink and it has never been enough.
I gave you blood, blood, blood,
I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love!

Suggestion for Saturday June 23rd

Well here it is Tuesday June 19th already, my first official post to this blog.....

....and yes I am going to suggest a RADICAL change of events!! Hold on to your tin foil hats , and pull those Depends up tight! I realize that Revlinux may be getting tired of selecting each weeks movie, so I'm jumping in with both feet, and suggesting that this week's viewing take place at...

EASTON

I know, I know, its HUGE. But I really see no other alternative if we are to partake of the gaming pleasures commonly known as GameWorks! I am not sure if I will even be able to pull myself away long enough to see a movie. I am going to get my video groove on, and have some virtual destruction the likes of which the world has never seen, so come crash some cars, blow up tanks, ski some rendered slopes, whatever floats your boat! Oh yea, did I mention they have a full bar too??

./Lunchbox

happy feet? not-so-much

who all here has seen happy feet ?? c'mon raise your hands up high. good, both my readers haven't.

let me save you some time and trouble: DON'T!

it sucks. it could be worse, but not by much. i mean really, who for love of Kal-El picks these things for awards?!? NINE wins & TWELVE nominations!? including an OSCAR!! that's just wrong.

first i want to point out that penguins need "heartsongs."

"In the cold land of Antarctica, the Emperor Penguins each express their true love with a special heartsong of their own that expresses their very being." - from IMDB plot summary

but does it have to be "the message" by grandmaster flash? where would an emperor penguin hear that anyway? (EDIT: i just found out that seymour is voiced by rapper fat joe. one mystery solved.)

fine, i suspend disbelief when it comes to penguins singing new and classic pop songs. but there's more:

Norma Jean: You don't have to be beautiful, to turn me on. I just need your body, baby.
Male Penguin #1: Hello...
Norma Jean: From dusk 'til dawn.
Male Penguin #1: Is it me you're lookin' for?
Norma Jean: You don't need experience.
Male Penguin #2: Take...
Norma Jean: To turn me out.
Male Penguin #2: These broken wings.
Norma Jean: You just leave it all up to me.
Male Penguin #3: Let's talk about eggs, baby. Let's talk about you and me.
Norma Jean: Mm-mm, mm-mm. You don't have to be rich to be my pearl. Don't have to be cool to rule my world. Ain't no particular song I'm more compatible with. I just want your...
[turns to the huge crowd of males following her]
Norma Jean: Boys, boys! Give a chick a chance!
Memphis: [appearing on the crest of a hill] Well, since my baby left me I found a new place to dwell. It's down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel. And I said, I'm feelin' so lonely, baby. I'm feelin' so lonely.
Norma Jean, Memphis: I'm feelin' so lonely...
Norma Jean: ...I could die.
Memphis: You don't have to be rich to be my girl.
Norma Jean: Don't have to be cool to rule my world.
Memphis: You rule my world.
Norma Jean: You're the particular song I'm compatible with.
Memphis: I just want your...
Norma Jean, Memphis: ...extra time... and your kiss.
(quoted from IMDB)

ahhh, much better. here they butcher a classic, an 80's tune, and a pop song by the one who used to be named with a freaky symbol, dance and sing about sex ... um, gross.

second is the whole "we need to stop global warming" and "we need to eat more farmed fish" environmental aspect of this movie. i agree with a few things brought up in this movie, but please, is this the right place to do it? does my three-year-old really know what you're talking about?

third is the i-don't-have-to-conform-and-you-can't-make-me oops-i-have-been-captured-and-put-into-the-zoo-and-now
i-am-losing-my-mind sequence. it was really kinda scary. i think it was a little too "one flew over the cool hand" for my taste.

there is one redeeming moment i all of this, "A Happy Feet Moment." an additional scene that comes on the disc.

let me quote comingsoon.net :

A Happy Feet Moment – In this very brief scene, Mumble's father kicks him around like a soccer ball, then boots him into the ocean. That's about it.

so, if you are into animated penguins singing, dancing and a heavy-handed environmental message about over-fishing; go get this movie. but if you have had your quota of environmental preaching, or don't enjoy seeing classic music butchered in new and painful ways, stay away.

./revlinux

06.16.2007

11.00p 06.16.2007

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

The enigmatic, intergalactic herald, The Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As the Silver Surfer races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben must unravel the mystery of the Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Doom, before all hope is lost.

whoo hoo. iowa.

yup, you heard me. iowa. can't remember what town i'll be in. lake okoboji, iowa. i'll be at a family reunion for mrs. revlinux's side of the family. ain't gonna stop my saturday nite movie tho. so, if ya feel like driving a couple of days to come see me in iowa, i'll be waiting for ya.

bridges bay resort okoboji

./revlinux

06.09.2007

09.25p 06.09.2007
Ocean's Thirteen
Great Lakes Cinema 7
Okoboji, Iowa

10.45p 06.09.2007
Ocean's Thirteen
Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

What are the odds of getting even? Danny Ocean and the gang would have only one reason to pull off their most ambitious and riskiest casino heist--to defend one of their own. But they're going to need more than luck on their side to break The Bank. Ruthless casino owner Willy Bank never imagined that the odds were against him when he double-crossed Danny Ocean's friend and mentor Reuben Tishkoff, putting the distraught Reuben in a hospital bed in critical condition. But Bank miscalculated--badly. He may have taken down one of the original Ocean's eleven, but he left the others standing and, worse for him, gave them a shared purpose: to take Bank down on the night of what should be his greatest triumph--the grand opening of his new casino, appropriately named The Bank. Their strategy is twofold. First they will ruin him financially by turning the tables on the precept that the house always wins. But that's just money. The knockout punch will be to Bank's personal pride and joy: his reputation as the only hotelier who has earned the Royal Review Board's Five Diamond Award on every single one of his hotels. The plan is elaborate, dangerous and damn near impossible--but there are no limits when it comes to one of their own.

06.02.2007

11.00p 06.02.2007

Knocked Up

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Alison Scott is an up-and-coming entertainment journalist whose 24-year-old life is on the fast track. But it gets seriously derailed when a drunken one-nighter with slacker Ben Stone results in an unwanted pregnancy. Faced with the prospect of going it alone or getting to know the baby's father, Alison decides to give the lovable doof a chance. An overgrown kid who has no desire to settle down, Ben learns that he has a big decision to make with his kid's mom-to-be: will he hit the road or stay in the picture! Courting a woman you've just knocked up, however, proves to be a little difficult when the two try their hands at dating. As they discover more about one another, it becomes painfully obvious that they're not the soul mates they'd hoped they might be. With Alison's harried sister Debbie and hen-pecked brother-in-law Pete the only parenting role models the young lovers have, things get even more confusing. Should they raise the baby together? What makes a happy lifetime partnership after all? A couple of drinks and a wild night later, they've got nine confusing months to figure it out.

05.26.2007

11.00p 05.26.2007

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Heroes Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann are allied with Captain Barbossa in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow from his mind-blowing trap in Davy Jones Locker; meanwhile, the terrorizing ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones--under the control of the East India Trading Company--wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas. Navigating through treachery, betrayal and wild waters, they must forge their way to exotic Singapore and confront the cunning Chinese pirate Sao Feng. Now headed beyond the very ends of the earth, each must ultimately choose a side in a final, titanic battle as their lives and fortunes--and the entire future of the freedom-loving pirate way--hang in the balance.

05.19.2007

10.50p 05.19.2007

Shrek the Third

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Being king isn't for everyone--especially if you're a prickly ogre who smells like the shallow end of a swamp. When Shrek married Fiona, the last thing he wanted was to rule Far Far Away, but when his frogger-in-law, King Harold, suddenly croaks, Shrek is quickly fitted for the crown. Now, unless the reluctant would-be king can find a suitable replacement, he'll be royally screwed for the rest of his days. As if Shrek didn't have enough on his plate, Princess Fiona has another little surprise on the way. With his head spinning and his belly in knots, Shrek sets off on a quest to find the only other possible heir to the throne, Fiona's long-lost cousin Artie, an underachieving medieval high schooler. While the ogre is away, his old nemesis Prince Charming rears his handsome head and returns to the kingdom of Far Far Away with redemption on his shallow little mind. Even with Donkey and the ever-so-suave Puss-in-Boots by their side, it's going to take an ogre-sized effort--and a whole lot of help from Fiona and her band of princesses--for Shrek and Artie to save the day and find their own Happily Ever After.

05.12.2007

11.10p 05.12.2007

28 Weeks Later

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Six months have passed since the rage virus has annihilated the British Isles. The U.S. Army declares that the war against infection has been won, and that the reconstruction of the country can begin. As the first wave of refugees return, a family is reunited--but one of them unwittingly carries a terrible secret. The virus is not yet dead, and this time--showing no outward symptoms--it is more dangerous than ever.

05.05.2007

11.30p 05.05.2007

Spiderman 3

Rave Motion Pictures Polaris 18 (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to M.J. and his duties as a superhero. But there is a storm brewing on the horizon. When his suit suddenly changes, turning jet-black and enhancing his powers, it transforms Peter as well, bringing out the dark, vengeful side of his personality that he is struggling to control. Under the influence of the suit, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care about him most. Forced to choose between the seductive power of the new suit and the compassionate hero he used to be, Peter must overcome his personal demons as two of the most-feared villains yet, Sandman and Venom, gather unparalleled power and a thirst for retribution to threaten Peter and everyone he loves.

04.28.2007

11.50p 04.28.2007

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

AMC Easton Town Center 30 with IMAX (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

An animated comedy that reveals the mysterious origins of Aqua Teen Hunger Force members: Meatwad, Frylock and Master Shake. When an immortal piece of exercise equipment threatens the balance of galactic peace, it is up to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force to run away from it. Peril escalates when the Plutonians team up with the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past to strive for ultimate control of the sinister deadly device.

04.21.2007

12.25a 04.21.2007

Hot Fuzz!

AMC Lennox Town Center (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis

Nicholas Angel is the finest cop London has to offer, with an arrest record 400% higher than any other officer on the force. He's so good, he makes everyone else look bad. As a result, Angel's superiors send him to a place where his talents won't be quite so embarrassing--the sleepy and seemingly crime-free village of Sandford. Once there, he is partnered with the well-meaning but overeager police officer Danny Butterman. The son of amiable Police Chief Frank Butterman, Danny is a huge action movie fan and believes his new big-city partner might just be a real-life bad boy, and his chance to experience the life of gunfights and car chases he so longs for. Angel is quick to dismiss this. However, as a series of grisly accidents rocks the village, Angel is convinced that Sandford is not what it seems and as the intrigue deepens, Danny's dreams of explosive, high-octane, car-chasing, gunfighting, all-out action seem more and more like a reality. It's time for these small-town cops to break out some big-city justice.

04.18.2007 update

Saturday night is fast aproaching, do we have any suggestions for this weeks outing??

please use the comments feature to post ideas.

./revlinux

04.14.2007

10.55.pm 04.14.2007

Pathfinder

Rave Motion Pictures (click for online ticket purchase)

Synopsis
A Viking child becomes the lone survivor of a shipwreck, after his marauding Norse clan raids a coastal Native American village for slaves. Despite his blonde hair and strange language--and concerns that evil will follow the boy wherever he goes--the ten year-old is adopted by the local Wampanoag Indians, who raise him to become a skilled hunter and warrior. But fifteen years later, the pale young man known to his tribe as Ghost is still trying to escape his past. Now, as the Vikings return to storm America again, this time they will carry out a barbaric attack that will annihilate Ghost's beloved tribe and endanger the woman he loves. Once again a survivor on the run, and thirsting for blood vengeance, Ghost comes under the guidance of the Pathfinder, a powerful shaman who foresees the enraged young man's unexpected destiny: as the hard-won hero who will wage a one-man war against the Vikings and becomes his people's savior.